


Staying

by sanctuary_for_all



Series: Partners [53]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Missing Scene, Steve Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-09 21:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16457423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanctuary_for_all/pseuds/sanctuary_for_all
Summary: He didn't regret anything he'd done. But he still wasn't sure if Danny would be able to forgive him for it.In the wake of Greer's arrest and threat, Steve thinks about his covert ops history and what it might mean for his future. (Wildly belated post-ep for 9X02)





	Staying

**Author's Note:**

> So I apologize for how desperately late this is, but until one tiny little thing Danny told me in an entirely different fic I had no idea this even happened.

Steve stared up at the darkened ceiling, wondering if he should be grateful that sleep seemed like an impossibility. Insomnia was no fun, but he could practically feel the old memories waiting to take that last step and turn into nightmares. He didn't regret any of his choices from back then -- if he made the tough calls, then no one else had to -- but that didn't mean he wanted to revisit any of them.

Of course, he might not get a choice. He didn't think Greer would be able to follow through on her threat -- they _had_ just been following orders, and the people who'd given them were still in charge. Even if the Navy did try to do something to him, and he couldn't fight it, it probably wouldn't include criminal charges.

If she decided to tell _other_ people.... He'd do whatever was necessary to keep his family safe. Even if he... if he had to leave, it wouldn't be like his mother. He'd say goodbye. And even more importantly than that, he'd come back.

Steve closed his eyes, praying to a god he'd never believed in that he wouldn't have to leave.

"I never thought I'd say this, but stop thinking so much." Danny's voice cut through the darkness, voice still fuzzy with sleep. "I swear I can actually _hear_ you worrying, and you know that's my job in this relationship."

Steve opened his eyes, throat going tight. "Sorry." He hadn't told Danny about Greer's threat, and wouldn't unless he absolutely had to, for the exact same reason he'd gone with a different plan to plant the false information. He already made Danny worry enough. "I can go downstairs, if you want."

"You lunatic, you know damn well that's not what I meant." Sounding far more awake now, Danny pushed himself up on one elbow. Even in the dark, Steve could see his brow lower. "You're beating yourself up about Greer, aren't you? Listen, if the other agents she actually _worked_ with couldn't tell she was dirty, there's no way in hell you could have known."

Steve thought about what Greer had said, about how the things they'd done had convinced her there was no such thing as good guys and bad guys. Even now, he knew it wasn't that simple -- the reason you did something mattered a hell of a lot, along with how many people you'd hurt doing it.

Steve had hurt a lot of people over the years. His reasons at the time had been good, given the intel he'd had, but he'd known for years now that there was no guarantee Danny would feel the same way. Danny, who hated the Navy no matter how many times he stopped himself from saying it out loud. Danny, who'd never been one to accept that sometimes awful things had to happen.

He didn't regret anything he'd done. But he still wasn't sure if Danny would be able to forgive him for it.

Steve swallowed. "Talk to me first, okay?" The words were a rasp. "If you ever find out things about me you're not okay with."

Danny swore softly. "You're not talking about old hookups with treasonous CIA agents, are you?" When Steve shook his head, not willing to trust his voice again, Danny let out an unsteady breath as he smoothed his knuckles along the sides of Steve's face. "I told you, babe. Nothing in there's gonna surprise me." His voice was soft, but it sounded like it hurt. "You've always been the kind of person who'll do the shitty jobs so that no one else has to."

Steve's eyes stung. It was so close to the way the thought had sounded in his own head, but full of frustrated love instead of simple acceptance. Danny always, _always_ tried to protect him.

The idea that something might make Danny stop one day haunted Steve. "Even if something doesn't surprise you, it could--"

"Steve." Danny's voice was utterly serious now, the weight of his gaze enough that Steve could feel it in the darkness. "If you told me you were a seriel killer right now, and showed me a stack of evidence proving everything you were saying, that still wouldn't be enough to make me stop loving you. There is not a _single_ damn thing you could have done as a SEAL that would come even close to managing it."

Tears welled up in Steve's eyes, the pressure in his chest too tight for any words to make it out. He rolled over, reaching underneath the bed by feel until he got his hands on the metal ammo box under the bed. Since there wasn't actual ammo in the box he didn't keep it locked, so he could open it by feel and rifle through until he could find what he was looking for.

Once he did, he closed the box and turned back to Danny. His husband was very still, realizing the importance of what was happening, and Steve's throat closed again as he placed the dog tags in Danny's hand. "I wore these when we would go out on covert ops," he murmured, closing Danny's fingers around them. "I don't care what you do with them, but I want you to have them."

"Why?" Danny breathed, sounding wrecked.

Steve closed his eyes, pressing his forehead against Danny's. No matter what Greer did, or who came for him, he wouldn't leave. He'd protect his family, but he'd do it by staying and fighting.

He swallowed. "I don't need to hold onto them anymore," he whispered, voice thick. "I'm home."

Danny closed the last bit of distance between them, capturing Steve's mouth in a kiss meant to drown a man. When they broke apart, it was only long enough for a breath and Danny's fierce whisper against his lips. "You're damn right you are."

Then they both dove back in, and there was no more need for words at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Come check out my [original fiction,](https://jennifferwardell.wixsite.com/mybooks) my [blog,](http://jennifferwardell.blogspot.com) or say hi to me on [Tumblr](http://sanctuaryforalluniverses.tumblr.com)!


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